The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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