? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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