i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
