Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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