do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
