Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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