I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
