he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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