She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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