I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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