why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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