I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
