Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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