you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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