Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
