I look better un-naked...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
