Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
It was confusing and full of hummus
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?