Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
