I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
