somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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