I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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