Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
