The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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