So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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