Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
