I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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