So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
