College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
