he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Green mimosas i think yes
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
