Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
