So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's not a foreskin expert like you
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
