Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
