So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
