I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
