She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
