I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
