You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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