better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
