I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
