I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
