They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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