I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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