..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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