I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
