i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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