glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
