Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
