Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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