You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
