mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.