im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
