saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
