I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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