Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your tits are I can't wait for
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
