Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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