I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You were trust falling into bushes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
