My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
