You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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