he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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