It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
