Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
