I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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